So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
