We won't sleep together?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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