i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
