it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
