just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He better not be in your backpack
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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