Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
