Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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