a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
