Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
