i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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