You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
