He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
