We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
