it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
