can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
