it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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