question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
