the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
