I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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