You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
