She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
