You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
