i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Damn victory sex feels great
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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