it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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