drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You were trust falling into bushes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
