i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
