I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
