I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
