Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
