It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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