his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
