No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
