some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
