I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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