Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
