and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
