haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
