were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
