Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
