I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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