Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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