My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
