So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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