I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
