my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
