i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
