You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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