Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
