bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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