I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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