I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
