dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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