She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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