Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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