i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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