i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
