don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my liver is dry heaving
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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