i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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